Escape the Control of the Controllers
Are you controlled by your husband or boyfriend? Here is an example of controlling male behavior:
• He always decides what the two of you do when you two do.
• He will never agree to do anything when you do anything
• He always benefits from what he does for you, or he just does not do it.
• He never liked your favorite hobby or passion
• He never liked what you liked
• He did not like your favorite hobby or passion [Doesthissoundlikefamiliarbehavior?
The manner of controlling men's control is not always obvious to women who are involved in them. They do not order women in a "controlled way". Instead, they often encounter victims like helplessness, just want you to take care of them. Once you understand the dynamics of a controller's control over you, you will realize that when you are being "set" to be controlled, this will give you the power to get out of a controlled person's grip
Have a great sense of right about the way they think women should treat them. They expect women to obey them. This is the only reason they have a woman in their lives. For them, every woman exists on the earth, the only purpose is to serve them. Every person in control thinks of a thing about women: they are superior
The goal of controlling a person's relationship is to become the only one of all "good relations of well-being" A benefactor is never a must to deal with any bad things like doing housework or going to restaurants they do not like. However, if the go to the restaurant is the worst thing to do, the person with the control can be "tolerable"
Unfortunately, the beginning when he always chooses you to eat the restaurant becomes his denial in your Relationship to do anything, then, ultimately, the choice in your life. Slowly, over time, you become less and less able to live your life the way you want, because when you do, he makes you feel miserable.
Yes, it is best to avoid taking part in a control person in the first place, but it is very difficult for a woman who is controlled by her parents in her childhood. The best advice I can give to any woman who believes that she is in control of a person's relationship is recognizing how she is messed up and what is happening to her. Many women are unaware of the level of control they receive in relation to a controller and the devastation of their self-worth as a person
Control Men have certain core beliefs about women that they live Of the "motivation." These beliefs can be summed up as follows:
1) You want to be like I said, not like I said
2) You must obey my body, spirit and emotion.
4) Whether you want or desire to be denied, disregarded, disagree or dislike me
5) You deserve nothing personal
3) All you have to benefit from me or you are a selfish person [Spaceorpersonaltime
6) Whatever you have must be useful to me, or I will not buy it for you or like it if you buy it yourself
7) My thoughts and opinions on your ideas and Opinions are wrong, I will never accept them or agree with them.
8) You must always ask for my permission to do whatever you want.
9) You do everything in my life that I ask you to do for me. But I have never done anything you asked me to do for you
10) I must approve all the money is how to spend in this relationship, you are to obey my decision
11) Your body is me
12) I'm better than you, you'd better not talk to me, or act in any way that makes me feel like I'm not. You can never criticize me for what
Yes, I know what you're thinking. These core beliefs are so terrible that any woman can really treat her relationship with a person like that? Unfortunately, this abusive relationship exists between many women and men because control occurs.
A controller does not reveal his core beliefs to you at the beginning of a relationship. At first, he gives you something you want. When the conflict breaks out because he refuses to do something you want him to do, he gets angry because you complain that his anger passes quickly. He may even because of "selfish" and apologize to you. It's just a trick to let you hook the relationship and slowly let you give it to him.
The man cunningly disguises his ulterior motives to control your actions, making him look like a helpless, innocent victim of life. When you realize that your husband or boyfriend is controlling you, you may have been in control of him for quite some time, feeling like you are being placed under a "hypnotic spell" control. All you can do is ask yourself "How do I make him do this to me?"
Most likely, you will try to talk about his behavior that has become "too selfish". But there is no compromise with the control of the people. You are subservient to him, or you leave the relationship, because if you do not meet him, he will make your life miserable. You just exist to please him, and if you like him, he will love you and the wonderful you.
A controlled man uses a veil of excuse to subject a woman to obedience to him. These excuses always make him look helpless on the surface, but they are all borrowed to ease his responsibilities in the relationship of any excuse.Be forewarned: If you do not accept lies / camouflage / excuses, he will give you to accept what he wants and you will pay the price. how much is it? He will withdraw his love, attack your character, and cause some hostile anger or a day of silence, just to finish you. These are the controls used to make a woman succumb to him and the basic excuses / lies / excuses to leave do not satisfy him. Selfish needs and desires of anything:
1) "I fear loneliness" (often used, so you will not go out to socialize, live alone))
2) "I believe you are deceiving me "Or" I believe you do not love me "or" I know you want to be with someone else "(also used so you do not do anything)
3)" I'm overworked "
4) "I'm unhappy because I feel disgusted, dislike, abused by others" is often used if you need him to focus on doing something for you) [19459004"I'mtoobusy"(ifyouwanthimtodosomethingforyouorgosomewhereoften)
6) "I can not deal with this often" (often for permanent 7) "I forgot" (whenever you ask him to do the future for you to use when you do the future for you to do)  7) "I do not want to do"
8) "I've never heard you say" or "I do not remember what you once mentioned" (Often, I do not know what you've said)
9) "I can not afford to buy" (often used to prevent you from doing anything you want to do, or to let him not do anything that you want to do)
10) "I Need You" or "I Can not Face Life / Without Your Life" (often used to justify treating your body like an object, he always means "your
Here is a more detailed look at the core beliefs of a person who controls:
Like I said, unlike me
Let's say you noticed that he never bothered you when you cooked, but he wanted you to clean up after cooking. So you remind him that you want him to clean up after cooking. Sounds like a fair relationship between giving and receiving, right? But he will never do it, because cooking will not benefit him, you are placed on the earth to meet him, remember?
So you ask him to cook and explain to him as if he were a child. "It's fair, after all, when you cook, I cook."
Pretending not to listen to you, or he will find an excuse why he can "do them: he will be too tired or busy, or" cooking "to his mother brought childhood trauma.If you oppressed him to cook, He can even say he will, but never bother them.When you remind him about his promise of short, he will be angry to say to you, "I told you I would do them, I will not, I will go around . But he will never go to it. If he does, he will not chat with you. He warns you with his utmost excuses / lies / pretending that he does not want to do them, you should know what happens if you do not accept the excuse. Now you have his anger to deal with
So, as a woman, be made to make your parents a dish of the family and realize that it is not worth the worsening of his anger, especially when you just had a wonderful Dinner together (as you take care of him through cooking), you may crash and cook. When you make dinner, you never ask him to do it again. It's too painful for you to experience his anger and it brings memories of what happened from your childhood when you wanted something that was "inconvenient" to your parents. We will talk later
So control begins. The first is that he refuses to cook (although he does not really refuse, he has never been to it), then he refuses to see the movie you want to see (though he does not really refuse, he just watches his movie choice) , After which it will not pick up something in the supermarket (although he does not refuse to get it, he just "forgets to get it," etc.), and so on. He will never do what you want him to do. He excuses or excuses for memory loss. He always had some shallow excuses.
At the beginning of your relationship, you want to believe in his "memory loss" excuse, because you want to believe he is a thoughtful person, deep down. But in time, he forgets everything you ask him to do, and you realize that his "memory recession" is just an excuse he always uses to avoid doing anything for you. Yes, he does not remember what you ask him to do, because he really does not care what to do for you.
Of course, you can be sure that when he asks you to do so, he wants you to do whatever he wants to ask. There will be a long list of requests from the reluctant to demand; if you are not in his "a hat" to cater to him, you can be sure you will have his anger to deal with. Do not even want to use the "memory recession" excuse with him. He will accuse you of "never doing anything he once asked you to do", and anger you selfish. It would be futile to discuss the situation with him because doing so would only escalate into a full-scale fight
He would eventually take a simple act "Do not do one thing he asks you" and turn it into Into your contempt for him. He will accuse you of not loving him, want to end the relationship / marriage. His extreme reaction is that you refuse to do whatever he asks for you, no matter how defensible it is, will be so emotionally painful that you will eventually succumb to doing whatever he asks you, just to keep your sanity. This is how he has complete control over you.
Soon after you realized and realized that in order for him to do something you must ask his way to sound like you Ask for his permission. Yes, you must act like you are a child, he is a parent. Of course, this is not a healthy way to partner with the relationship, but it is the only way to survive with a controlled human emotion. No matter how important your request, he will use memory loss as an excuse to not do, or completely deny the fact that you asked him to do so. But if you ask him the way it sounds like your request for permission, "If we were to do this and that's okay today?", He may actually agree to do so.
If he does not want to do something you want to do, you do not want to do anything that may end up never being done because he will never Be prepared to do it in the time frame you want to do. "If she had waited long enough, she might have given up on the idea of going there.It was his logic.He would often ask him all sorts of things he needed to do, or if you needed to help you to get in the way of those things that prevented you from joining together at some point And do the things that control the person who always controls your time and is never ready as long as you want him to do something.So do not even think of a suggestion to go somewhere with him unless you can wait for him finally Another way to control your time is to wait impatiently for you, and if you do not call back immediately, he will call you 20 times in an hour
If you insist on your right to life and do what you like to do without him, your right, he will make you feel miserable independent, accusing you of not loving him, wanting and Yes, he will use "You do not love me, you want to be with others" aka "I am afraid you are deceiving me" Jealous jealous
He will put all the fun from Any independent activity you do with your friends, or just do yourself without him.If you intend to go anywhere without him, he will cause you a lot of guilt.If he does what you like to do, he
He will cry. He will always call you; He will wait all the time for you to go home; And do whatever he can do, with the blessing of your own. He will accuse you of wearing a fragrance to meet some of your secret people, but when you go without his library he will make you crazy with his absurd insecurity, it will be a trickWhatever you want is "rejected, disagree, dislike or neglected" By Me No matter who you are,
Controlled I never want to do anything you like to do. In my controller relationship, I recommend doing anything that he never wanted to do. Even the things he likes to do; he refuses to do that when I want to do I've never been allowed to plan our day together over the weekend.Walking bikes and eating pizza out; you call it if I suggest doing so, he's too tired or not interested in doing it.If he reluctantly agrees to go somewhere I suggest, He gave me a silent treatment or started a debate I said or done.He made sure the experience was unpleasant for me, so I always think twice, I suggest doing something I want to do in the future
This is a relationship with the controller, no matter what you like, he will not like it, he likes your favorite things.
Finally, just to survive as a man, not to be subjected to his insulting anger whenever he does not walk, you live two lives: your life with him, when you take care of his taste and desire and your life Without him, when you cater to your taste and desire behind. It makes it easier for you to secretly enjoy the life you really want, rather than endure things that his company does with things you do not want to do.
Of course, if he wants to do something and suggests doing it, you do it, and you will inevitably always do it, he will not be difficult or moody. This is the only time you two can actually be in a situation where there is no conflict, even though the experience will be an empty one that can not satisfy you. He always wants to do things he knows you do not like. If you go together and have a positive outlook to do these things every time you are together, you may have a tolerable time together.
You can never be happy to live a completely deny who is your life
You can never be happy to live a life that never does what you like to be living
With a man's caring, nurturing a relationship is about supporting each other's interests, and giving to a man a sense of guilt or incessantly being supported by one's disapproval and lack of support
I will decide how to spend all the money
The controlling person will always use money to control you. The money on him is controlling your final form. If you want him to pay, he can not afford it. Of course, if he wants anything, he always has the money to pay. But he'll make sure he can not afford anything you want.A controlling person never agrees to buy you the gift you want, which is his way of controlling each activity you do together and destroying your self-esteem. Go to the restaurant or supermarket where you want to go, or save the kitchen renovation you want. He must always decide where and how to spend money in this relationship
"No problem," you'll tell yourself, "I just pay for the restaurant so he has to do occasionally doing what I want to do This should work, in theory, but a controller must control how all the money is spent on this relationship, so he feels better than you. He will never pay you anything you choose to do with you,
If he ever spends money (except for your birthday or holiday, when he thinks fit), he will usually give you something he can use He will give you a family gift to support your obedience to him, such as pot and pan cooking his meals.If he can not, this purchase will ultimately benefit him because he will pay attention to how much he spent, And make sure you pay him in some way. A control person never generously ous his money. If his money is spent, the controller gives you anything that always has a string. In order to get a thoughtful gift withoutYour body is my property
One of the most fundamental ways for a controller to control a woman is to heal her by the fact that she is not the one who cares for you. He will use sex to control you, by constantly asking, or he will use sex by always denying it to control you
If you want sex, he will never want to. If you do not want sex, he always wants it.If he always wants it, he will never give you personal space when it comes to your body.He will expect you to take care of him and be in a You will start to feel like an old car, just do not want to get up to go.However, if he wants, do not deny his sexual behavior, because if you do so, he will accuse you of deceiving him or not love His emotional punishments
Yes, the emotional extortion that allows your body to be controlled for the hostages that he needs to control you.
If you are a person, then, are experiencing this relationship with a man, you may be wondering, "Why does he attract me?"
?? Why do not I see signs?
It is possible that you realize that he is selfish and can not give you a way of selfless, true love, but most emotionally involved women who control men have one or two parents as children Own life. When parents in your life for so many years has been the same way to treat you, there is a familiar feeling of comfort
This control from a non-recognition of their daughter's parents began as a benefit Individuals who are outside their own interests and who forget to do what their daughters ask them to do, such as picking up their favorite donuts at the bakery or receiving them at the right time from after-school activities. Always denies the daughter the right to choose what she wants, whether it be snacks or home baked goods (parents will own baked snacks), the clothes she wears, the decorations of the rooms, the way she wears her hair, the toys she owns , Or her for supper. They always claim to have forgotten any of their problems, but their daughters will know that the simple fact is that their parents just do not care what they ask because they do not care enough about their needs and desires .Control and criticism and anger Parents' children can not express any dissatisfaction with their lives,
When a daughter expresses dissatisfaction with the neglected parent's feelings, the parents deny such behavior as an excuse to claim "memory recession" or to say they are "too busy" to remember what she asks for.If the child does not accept shallow And continued to complain that she would be disgraced for being unhappy and accused of being an ignorant, disrespectful, average child. Criticism is the enemy that controls the parents.
In a healthy parent / child relationship, the relationship between parents and children, the parents discuss the child's complaints quietly and negotiate what she wants. Would be afraid to express her sense of neglect, her parents confirmed that she needed to be heard and recognized as a person, and she would not let her feel guilty about her parents' concern for her life.
This is a healthy The foundation of adult relationships. But, unfortunately, in a relationship with a controller, love is a word that is only equivalent to "need to be taken care of."
Control Your Life
If you are in this relationship with a controlling person, you must see the truth of it as it may be difficult and painful. He controls the mood of your silence, the mentality of his victim, his fear of losing you to another person, his "memory loss" and other tactics that make you fear his anger and succumb to him. You have to believe that you should be better off from the male partner in your life. You have to leave this control relationship
Accepting this truth about your relationship is not easy, but having a real life of your own is important, and every time you stop scared of anger and character assassination you dare to become Your own people and stand up and lower your sense of self worth. A control person will tell you that you are selfish, want some inconvenience. Control people will make you feel guilty, enjoy those things that give you a happy life. A control person will use your body like he owns it.
Yes, leaving this control relationship is the only way out because discussing your feelings or problems. And he will not work. Your sense of how he is treated has no place in a relationship based on control. The end of this relationship is emotionally painful as it forces you to feel with your parents raising and feeling neglected as a child, but at the time, you will come to realize that this is the only way that you can feel Good about who you are really
So how do you end up? You just stop doing things for him. You stop being his servant to make his life easy. If you stop doing things, he will not want you. This is cold, hard truth.
You have to end up with a man treating this way.You have to end up with a man to treat this way Your relationship. No other options. You should not be under his control to live your life in your way. There is a happy life waiting for you, is your hug. [免费]